Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
