Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
