dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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