I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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