.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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