At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
