he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
