Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
