I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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