if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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