I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
