I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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