you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
