my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
