Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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