benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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