I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
