I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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