The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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