I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
