His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
