don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
