I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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