just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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