For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
