How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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