i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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