he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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