Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
