She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
