physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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