the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize