Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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