my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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