Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So much Jack, so little girl.
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