My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
