I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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