I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
