I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
