There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
