there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
