I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
