A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
and she was petting her beer can
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
