he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
