Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
