Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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