is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
