just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
