I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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