singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
