never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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