she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
