The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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