i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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