Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
