brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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