we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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