i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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