I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
