Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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