drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
