Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
