They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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