i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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