If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
