I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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