bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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