people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
