The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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