sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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