Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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