I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sext me about skeletons
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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