I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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