he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
